I Will Not Be Your Second Choice

Okay. A lot of things have been going on these past few weeks. There have been a lot of ups and downs when it comes to me keeping friends and dealing with friend groups. I know, it sounds like nothing new. However, I learned something and questioned myself about it. Why is that whenever push comes to shove, I get abandoned and they run the other way? Why is it that they only hit me up if they have no one else to hang out with? Why do they not make an effort anymore? I don’t mind putting in effort, but I will not put in effort if there is zero effort being put in from the other side. I have noticed that most friend groups are like wolfpacks- they protect their own, and when one gets into an altercation with a member of that wolfpack, the whole wolfpack gangs up on you. They’ll shut you out, they’ll turn people on you, they’ll find someone to entertain them, etc. Well, I am currently in a situation like this now. I have this one “friend” who seems to only hang with people at her convenience. If it is not convenient for her, she will kick you to the curb. Case in point, I had a fight with someone in our friend group. Soon after, I was shunned, and my “friend” basically shunned me too. She has done this before- she had another friend that didn’t like me and when I would try to hang with her, she’d brush me off just because she had that one friend. Now, it’s happening again, but I’m putting a stop to it. How dare you think of me as just someone who you can put down whenever you please and pick back up whenever you feel like it because you have nothing else to do. I am not a toy, I am a person. I am a human being with a brain and a beating heart, thank God. This so-called friend of mine now formed a new clique, and let’s be honest, I wanna gauge my eyes out every time I hear them speak, let alone breathe in my direction. I don’t need “friends” who act like little bitches because one friend is hurt so now they all have to follow. I don’t need any “friends” who just call me because they have no one else to talk to or hang out with. I want and need friends who can build a solid trusting bond with me. And yes, I want friends where I don’t need to use the quotations whenever I use the word. I am not your second choice. I am a human. Respect me and I’ll respect you. Don’t respect me, and well, that’s your problem boo.